RIP Little Brown Pony

Our best, most favorite, most wonderful horse in the entire world is now in Pony Heaven. He fell down in the turn-out on Sunday afternoon, and although we spent all night trying to get him up and on his feet, we were not successful. Unfortunately for horses, they MUST be on their feet to survive. Laying down for extended periods puts too much pressure on too many vital organs, so a horse that won't get up won't survive. We had the vet come early on Monday and she took one look at him and said it's time for him to go.

He came into our lives seven years ago and was pretty much a horse that nobody wanted. My daughter E bought him for $5 of her own money. I really didn't like him much at first (he was sour and grouchy), but he turned out to be the smartest horse I've ever met, with a great personality and a great sense of humor. We loved him and he became a true member of our family. He lived the life of Riley and he knew it and appreciated it. He had a very expensive surgery about three years ago, because we felt that we had to give him every chance to live, and he came through it, but it was hard on him. He took a long time to recover completely, but has been back to his usual self in the last year or so. He was also at least 25 years old (old in the horse world), so his body was just not as good as it once was, and he had trouble getting up and down for the last year or so. We've had episodes where we spent three or four hours getting him up, but each time was very stressful, and we always worried each time if this was the day he wouldn't get up. We knew it was coming, but it still doesn't make it easier to deal with. At least we were there for him, and his last moments were filled with our touch and voice and smell.

Just when we were hoping to get back to normal, we have this to deal with. It's especially hard, as today is E's birthday. So send us some kind and healing thoughts as we deal with this loss. It will take a long time to recover and we will miss our Little Brown Pony terribly.

I Love the Smell of Boring in the Morning

We are now done moving our barn operations from BFE nowhere to Moorpark. What a relief. It was a lot of work, but I think everything is finally going to settle down and go back to BORING normal. Being the control freak that I am, this has been a rough time for me, but I actually survived, albeit with small meltdowns here and there.

One of the hardest parts of moving is that you just can't explain to the horses what is happening and let them know that everything will eventually be just fine. Some of them, like people, roll with the punches, and others just... don't. Our favorite (photo above), nicknamed The Little Brown Pony (aka LBP), is one of the latter. In spades. Big spades. So this move was very hard for him. And he just has to tell you about it all the time.

If you're not a horse person, you probably don't realize that horses have as much personality as any other animal (and more than some people I know) and can be very vocal. I've been around horses my whole life, and known a lot of different horses, but the LBP is probably the smartest and most human-focused horse I've ever owned. We've had him for almost seven years, and he's a character. He's one of the few creatures I know who isn't food-driven, and would rather be out with you doing things than eat. (Can't say the same thing for me, sadly enough.) There's never any question about what's on his mind, whether he's "helping" you unzip your jacket or mad because you're half an hour late getting to the barn in the afternoon. He's set in his ways and gets annoyed if you make even small changes in his life, like where you put his food. So you can imagine how three major barn moves in eight months have affected him.

I think this all came to a head for him with this latest move. He was very mad and upset about it all, and started declaring his indignation at the top of his lungs the day he arrived at the new facility. And he kept it up the next day. And the next day. This lasted more than a week. I love him a lot but was ready to tape his mouth shut by last Friday. And then yesterday we noticed a new quiet and a demeanor that somewhat resembles the horse we know and love. I think we have officially been forgiven for moving. I knew he would settle in just fine eventually, but it's hard watching the anxiety and know that there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

There are a lot of similarities between this horse and me. I am also set in my ways (i.e. control freak) and change is hard for me, especially when it's not my idea. I just fret and obsess when things are not to my liking, or when situations occur that I must deal with and did not start. I make a conscious effort to not sweat the small stuff, but it still happens when I least expect or want it to. It's definitely better than it used to be, but sometimes the little stuff looms large and seems overwhelming. This year has held a fair amount of these situations for me, and I'm looking forward to a quiet period so I can regain my perspective, take a breath, and see things with my usual sense of humor. Here's to the boring life.

Carnivore Central

There are no vegetarians at our house.

I don't have anything against being a vegetarian, except that sometimes I wonder how they get enough of the right kinds of protein. I also really feel that children should not be forced into that lifestyle, as millions of years of evolutionary eating habits can't be wrong. Once you're old enough to understand the consequences of eating a vegetarian (especially vegan) diet, and do the research to make sure you get adequate nutrition, I think being a vegetarian is no big deal.

However, there is absolutely no danger whatsoever of that happening at our house. My daughter E (age 16) likes meat. She can eat an entire rack of ribs all by herself, and was doing that at age 6. She swoons at the sight of a new BBQ place. The new Mexican place we discovered a few weeks ago has a huge carne asada plate that she can finish (side orders and all) in one sitting. Her ability to ingest large quantities of animal products can rival that of any teenage boy her age. I can eat (believe me, I can eat), but watching her do it is an amazing sight.

Which brings me to the conversation we had last week on the relative merits of different meats. We had finished eating at the aforementioned Mexican restaurant, and she was waxing poetic about meat on the way home.

E: I do like all kinds of meat.
Me: Shock.
E: But I like red meats better, really, than white meats. Definitely the read meats are my first choice.
Me: Ok.
E. But the white meats are good. They're great when you're in the mood for them.
Me: Uh-huh
E: And fish. Since we went to the sushi place, I am just craving the spicy tuna and the albacore.
Me: But fish aren't--
E: But the red meats are the best. I love a big steak. Medium rare with onions. And that carne asada was amazing. I think I'll try something else with beef next time.
Me: What about the purple meats?
E: Purple meats? Oh like octopus. What do they call it when they change to blend in with the rocks?
Me: Color.
E: I'm gonna hurt you. No, like when they blend in. Did you know that some octopus are as big as flounders and can change colors and swim just like them as a disguise? [Makes many arm-waving, swimming, flounder-like motions, looking somewhat idiotic.]
Me [watching the flounder-impressionist go on and on and on]: How's it go?
E: Ok I am gonna hurt you.

At which point I am laughing so hard that I nearly wreck the car and wet my pants. And you know how contagious that kind of laughing is, so we were both completely out of breath with aching sides by the time we got home. I realize that it might have been a "you had to be there" situation to see the complete humor, but I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I still start chuckling every time I think of it.

When was the last time you laughed that hard?

Getting Back to "Normal"

We're moving our barn practice to Moorpark on Saturday, and I can't wait to get it all done and get back to "normal" life.

I work a day job for 40 hours a week, and my daughter and I work our horse business the rest of the time, so my week routinely ends up at 75 or 80 hours of time spent doing something that is not at home. The day job is on someone else's dime (as it were), but the horse business is a labor of love. I started riding when I was six years old and I have the horse "gene". No matter where I've gone or what I've done over the course of my life, I've always ridden and trained horses. It's a happy coincidence that my daughter is also a horse fanatic, to the point that she wants to ride for a living and has aspirations to compete in the Olympics and other world-class equestrian events. Consequently, we work that much harder at all our horse endeavors, but it takes up the vast majority of the time that isn't spent at work or school.

I'm not complaining about the amount of time we work, as neither of us sits around well, but we have had a great routine for a long time, and the activity and upheaval of the last eight months has definitely thrown a monkey wrench into the works. The facility we're leaving has had a lot of problems, and we've been pulled into the drama over and over again. This, in turn, has thrown our usual routine and horse income into complete disarray. I'm sick of it and ready to leave the chaos behind. To return to "normal".

Since E (my daughter) was born, I've tried to make a concerted effort to keep our lives on a plain simple track. I grew up with a dad who was in the military, and the moving and re-establishing of my life every three years while growing up was not fun for me. So we've lived in the same place for 16 years. E has gone to the same school since first grade, and will be a senior this coming September. I've had the same day job for 10 years. Being the control freak that I am, these things have become something that I depend on a great deal. So when a large area of my life spins out of control, it makes me crazy. (Short trip, I know...)

In 2006, there was a one week period in my life where my car transmission died, my dad died, and my kid ended up in the emergency room (while I was out of town at my dad's funeral). One month later our best-loved pony had an $8500 emergency surgery. Let's just say that this was a control freak's worst nightmare, and it was brought home to me in spades how much I craved a "normal" boring life. Fortunately, the current barn situation and the moving of our horse business pales in comparison to 2006, but it still makes me just a little nuts.

I know in November, I'll look back at the summer and think what a crazy time it was and how nice it is that things are back to normal. But I feel like a kid who's waiting for the best vacation ever: six more days, five more days, four more days... The countdown to getting everything done is excrutiating. I've really tried to stop wishing my life away, but August 1st can't get here soon enough for me.

Lots of Things in My Head, But Nothing to Write About

It seems I have a million items in my head all needing to get out, but none of them feel interesting enough to say more than ten or fifteen words about each subject in total. So I'm making a list of the mental shrapnel; duck if it hits close.

1. I love horses. I hate horses. Depends on the day and the behavior of a particular equine at a particular time. Let's just say that Sunday was a "hate" day.
2. I love summer. I hate summer. Summer = my kid stays at home and does a lot of stuff around the house that we don't usually have time for. Love that part. Summer = heat. REALLY hate that part (see previous post).
3. Why is it that when you have a set time to leave your job every day that the no one wants anything to do with you until six minutes before you need to leave? This will eventually cause me to go postal, and, being a short fat woman, it will not be a pretty sight.
4. Depo-Provera was the best drug ever invented.
5. We've discovered a new Mexican restaurant called Las Fuentes (translation: the fountains). We ate close to our body weight in unbelievably amazing food on Friday night. The resident carnivore in my house (aka my daughter) ate so much carne asada that I thought she would explode. We joked about the Monty Python "Would you like a wafer?" sketch on the way home.
6. Generic paper towels are crappy and just do not come close to the Viva brand.
7. I am too cheap to pay for the Los Angeles Times crossword puzzle service that lets you look at and print out any number of puzzles from current and past months. If you don't subscribe you can only print out the last four weeks of puzzles, and I never remember to do it every week or two. This makes me crazy when I want a new puzzle, and yet I can't bring myself to pay for the service. How stupid and cheap am I? Yet I pay $110 a month for Directv--go figure.
8. Fantasy football. WTF??? Who thinks these things up?
9. I finally got a new clip-on phone case for my iPhone. The old one that I bought when I got the phone in January degenerated into a piece of CRAP. Did I mention it was BAD BAD BAD? And ugly? I went to Best Buy on Sunday and got a new one that looks as if it might actually last more than ten minutes and was not unattractive. I could feel my blood pressure go down as I slipped my phone in its new case and tossed the old one in the trash. (Insert giant sigh of relief here.)
10. We're moving barns on August 1st, which is a LOT of work. But the good part is that I have a lot of friends that have offered to help, and they really mean it. It's just good for the soul to know that you have people in your life that care about you, even when you have to move. That's when the fair-weather types disappear, and the real friends are there for you.

I feel better now. Got anything to get off your chest?

Help Me... I'm Melting.........

Could it be any hotter?






I realize we live in a desert here in Southern California, but Jesus H. Christ it's hot. We live and die at our house based on the weather because we spend so much time outside with the horses. This weekend was seriously unpleasant and we did very little work during the middle of the day. Basically it was a parade to and from the wash rack, just soaking the horses (and ourselves in the process) to keep everyone comfortable. We did get a bit of breeze here and there, which only felt good if you were damp. And I believe we now own at least 50% of the Coppertone company due to the amount of sunscreen we buy.

I have a busy life with a day job as well as the horse business, so I like to sleep in a little bit on Saturday or Sunday if possible. But in this weather, we get up really early (5-ish or so) to ride and work while there is still some semblance of cool in the air. We also ride very late in the day as well to take advantage of the cool-down in the evening--assuming it isn't still 98 degrees at 7:30, which it was yesterday. At that point, you try to make the horses as cool and happy as possible (food helps a LOT in the happiness department), and then go home and stand in the shower to get the 20 gallons of sweat off your body and out of your hair. Fortunately, we have AC at home, so the evening TV time and sleeping are tolerable.

We're moving our practice to Moorpark in August, and it's always a lot cooler in that part of suburban Los Angeles than where we are now in Canyon Country. It's closer to the ocean, so we will be catching the afternoon breeze straight off the Pacific. Most people don't really realize it, but the ocean off the southern California coast is a lot colder than the Atlantic almost anywhere on the east coast. Unless you have a breakwater offshore, it's usually not too fun to swim in the Pacific Ocean here. You have your die-hard swimmers and surfers of course, but the Arctic/Alaskan current makes the water too cold (for me) to swim in, but makes for a marvelous cool breeze.

We're looking forward to getting away from the heat next month, but will be sweltering in the meantime. Drink a lemonade and think of us.

Chance Gets a New Home

We've been taking care of a horse ("Chance") at our barn, and he got a new home yesterday.

He was picked up from a feed lot in Riverside by the barn manager where we board. She gets horses there pretty regularly, re-sells them, and makes a little money. He came to the barn on Memorial Day weekend, and was nervous and full of cuts and scratches from his pasture-mates. But he had a soft eye and willing personality, and seemed grateful for the kind attention. I just liked him, and he liked me. He is also a branded American Hanoverian (in horse parlance, that means a well-bred registered horse). He was originally intended for one of my teen-aged working students at the barn, but she changed her mind after a few weeks (fickle child). So we worked with him, got him more fit, gave him good food and supplements, and found out that he's a nice horse with good skills and a solid work ethic. I spoke with a lot of my horsey-circle of friends and finally found him what I think will be a great new home. He left yesterday.

No one would ever call me warm and fuzzy. I am straight-forward and blunt, and the gatekeeper of my mouth is usually at lunch. When my child went off to kindergarten (or any other grade for that matter), I never looked back, and I never shed a tear. Come to think of it neither did she, but that's another story. So when we were getting Chance ready to leave, I made up three or four bags of supplements to send with him. He is going to be in the care of one of my previous horse clients, and she came to our facility to drop off the payment for him, and help get him loaded to go. I gave her the supplements and way too much information about him and his habits and what he eats, and how he does everything (babble babble babble). I lead him out to the trailer and he got in and they drove away. I felt like a mother who has sent her kid away with his little lunchbox of goodies, and was almost in tears.

It's funny how things strike you. I know intellectually that it's a great home with good people, and yet sending this horse off to a new life still got to me. It was so unexpected to be caught off-guard. That hasn't happened in a long time. When was the last time it happened to you?

As the Barn Turns...

So we've moved barns. Again. Sigh.

In layman's terms, that would be taking my training and instructing practice, along with the horses in my care (the ones we own as well as the ones in training) to a different facility. That would also include the nine millions pounds of tack, horse gear, and accessories that I have accumulated over the course of way too many years.

This was not a planned move. The managers/lessors of our current barn had issues (kinda scary issues at that) with the owners of the property, so they found another place close by to re-locate to. So we moved on Sunday. And Monday. And today. At the end of it all, I don't really like this new place. The old one was ok--lots of open space and a decent arena to use for training rides and lessons. Good prices for boarding too. We only moved there last Thanksgiving, and had a lot of hope that everything would pan out as planned. It hasn't, and I've spent more and more time helping to manage the facility instead of running my training business. I also found out over the weekend that nothing I was promised at the new place is actually going to happen. Then, when we moved the horses to the new facility on Sunday in the 110 degree heat, nothing was ready for their arrival. No food, no water, no bedding--just empty stalls. The final straw for me was having to stay until after 10 pm Sunday night making sure all the horses, including ones that don't even belong to me, had food and water. It was when I was lugging the umpteenth water bucket across the property (with no help from the facilities manager who was standing around talking) that I hit the "I've had enough" wall.

Fortunately, my daughter ("E" for the purposes of this blog) is a facilities researcher lunatic. She had found an interesting place in the last week or so, and we checked it out yesterday. It's in a different suburban area, but it currently has all the amenities we want, and they're up and running NOW. It is a cooler climate, and they have (insert trumpets blaring here): a COVERED ARENA. With lights! For you non-horsey people, that's like the Holy Grail. It allows us to ride and train regardless of rain or glaring sun. The high there on Sunday was 76. Seventy f'ing six! Not (I repeat NOT) 110.

We're giving notice tomorrow. The good news is that we're really looking forward to the new place. The bad news is that we have to move everything again. But at least we're already packed.

A Quarter of a Century? Wow! That Blew by Fast

Twenty-five years ago this August I moved to Los Angeles from Chicago. A lot has happened in that time. A. LOT. Los Angeles was hosting the Olympics, and I was a carefree party kind of girl. Now... I'm not.

I partied, screwed around, dabbled in pharmaceuticals, and generally just frittered time away. Through a wild and crazy set of circumstances and experiences, I am now a single mom, with a 16 (almost 17)-year-old daughter. I drive a Trailblazer SUV. The only pharmaceuticals I come in contact with now are ibuprofen and red wine. I wouldn't change where I've been or what I've gone through (good or bad) as they got me to where I am and I like things the way they are now.

When I first moved to L.A., I only knew one person. He was a good (gay) friend from college, and he told me when I visited him after one particularly brutal Chicago winter, that if I wanted to move to L.A., I could stay with him until I got a job and found a place to live. That was fastest "yes" EVER. So I wrapped up my life in Chicago, packed my cats in the Honda, and moved out west. Best decision I ever made.

I'm a smart girl. Really. Not long after I moved to L.A., I took the test for Mensa, and was invited to join. I thought that joining the group and going to some of the activities would be a good way to expand my social circle and meet some intelligent people, usually my favorite kind. Oh boy--what an eye-opener. I've never met a more brilliant group of minds, but OMG! What they had in brainpower they lacked in social skills and the ability to dress themselves. After I went to an event where one of the guys wore a deerskin Daniel Boone outfit complete with coonskin cap (on purpose and it wasn't a costume party), I thought it was time to find some other people to hang out with.

These days my social activities revolve mostly around the horse world. My daughter shows, I teach lessons, and together we train horses for ourselves and our clients. It's not a big practice, since I still work a day job to pay bills (private school anyone?), but I've made a point of being relatively picky in choosing clients, so I have a great group of people that I see on a regular basis.

I used to live my life on the ragged edge of disaster, being the drama queen that I am. It was all insanity, all the time. Now I'm pushing it to stay up until 10 pm, and I have found that boring equals wonderful. I am consciously grateful for the health of my family and horses, a good-paying job, and decent place to live. My favorite kind of day is one in which the toughest decision of the day is "paper or plastic?".

It's been a long strange trip... but a good one.

How do I Do This Really and Not Sound Like a Complete Poser

I write well. Or at least I like to think so.

My writing has saved me money, as when I wrote a heartfelt letter to my daughter's private school administration and guilted them into not charging me the "New Family Fee" of a thousand dollars when she started first grade there. Then there was the time I wrote the bathroom notice about septic tanks and the disposal of feminine hygiene products for our barn. So maybe it wasn't "Moby Dick" but it did, along with other things, help to make horse-keeping more affordable.

I love words, and all the things you can do with them, and have had a facility for languages ever since I can remember. I am a "Picture Thinker", (that always sounds so Psychology 101 to me, but it's true nonetheless), so it always feels like I have a million different tools and colors available to paint the story I want to get across. I like to talk (just ask anyone within a ten-mile radius), and can really tell a joke well, but I often review conversations and think, "Oh man, I wish I would have said thus-and-such instead!" Writing affords you the ability to actually have a do-over. Write what you think and then go back and edit, sometimes ad nauseum. That's my favorite part: appearing organized and polished, even when I'm not always that way in person.

I don't read as much as I used to. Out of the habit, not a lot of time, and frankly, as I get older, my attention span is getting closer and closer to that of a gnat. I'm lucky to watch a whole episode of Throwdown without changing the channel during a commercial and getting caught up in another show. Since I really do want to keep my wordpower up, I do a lot of crossword puzzles (the difficult ones, and in ink)--they're the perfect diversion: you can do as much or as little as you want, and when you fall asleep with the pen in your hand, you don't have to worry what page you were on when you wake up.

So an optimistic question, since I don't have any readers yet (I think): how do you keep your wordpower up?

How It all Begins

This is Life at the Funny Farm.

CPA firm techie by day, and superhero horse trainer by night. Maybe not superhero, but definitely my true identity. This is just a test to see if I can actually keep up with this, bring you entertaining stories, and see who might be interested in what I have to say. I've read some great and funny blogs and I hope to write up to their standards. Stay tuned.