Carnivore Central

There are no vegetarians at our house.

I don't have anything against being a vegetarian, except that sometimes I wonder how they get enough of the right kinds of protein. I also really feel that children should not be forced into that lifestyle, as millions of years of evolutionary eating habits can't be wrong. Once you're old enough to understand the consequences of eating a vegetarian (especially vegan) diet, and do the research to make sure you get adequate nutrition, I think being a vegetarian is no big deal.

However, there is absolutely no danger whatsoever of that happening at our house. My daughter E (age 16) likes meat. She can eat an entire rack of ribs all by herself, and was doing that at age 6. She swoons at the sight of a new BBQ place. The new Mexican place we discovered a few weeks ago has a huge carne asada plate that she can finish (side orders and all) in one sitting. Her ability to ingest large quantities of animal products can rival that of any teenage boy her age. I can eat (believe me, I can eat), but watching her do it is an amazing sight.

Which brings me to the conversation we had last week on the relative merits of different meats. We had finished eating at the aforementioned Mexican restaurant, and she was waxing poetic about meat on the way home.

E: I do like all kinds of meat.
Me: Shock.
E: But I like red meats better, really, than white meats. Definitely the read meats are my first choice.
Me: Ok.
E. But the white meats are good. They're great when you're in the mood for them.
Me: Uh-huh
E: And fish. Since we went to the sushi place, I am just craving the spicy tuna and the albacore.
Me: But fish aren't--
E: But the red meats are the best. I love a big steak. Medium rare with onions. And that carne asada was amazing. I think I'll try something else with beef next time.
Me: What about the purple meats?
E: Purple meats? Oh like octopus. What do they call it when they change to blend in with the rocks?
Me: Color.
E: I'm gonna hurt you. No, like when they blend in. Did you know that some octopus are as big as flounders and can change colors and swim just like them as a disguise? [Makes many arm-waving, swimming, flounder-like motions, looking somewhat idiotic.]
Me [watching the flounder-impressionist go on and on and on]: How's it go?
E: Ok I am gonna hurt you.

At which point I am laughing so hard that I nearly wreck the car and wet my pants. And you know how contagious that kind of laughing is, so we were both completely out of breath with aching sides by the time we got home. I realize that it might have been a "you had to be there" situation to see the complete humor, but I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I still start chuckling every time I think of it.

When was the last time you laughed that hard?