Happy Holidays to one and all!

It's been a while since I've posted, but life has been been so busy. My day-job computer project is going at full speed, and the horse business is picking up. Our horse show at the beginning of December went very well, and my student WON one dressage class and got a fourth in another (both classes had more than a dozen riders), and my daughter E got a third and a fourth in the same two classes. We were very thrilled and excited for both of them. E's jumping classes were ok (she didn't place and the classes were big--over 30 riders each), but it was good practice for her horse, and she is working on getting him ready for the show in January.

My mom is here visiting, and will be staying until January 6th. Since my dad died three years ago, she has lived by herself, and I think it's been harder on her than she thought it would be. I see more age-related issues now than I have before, and it does concern me. I'll just have to keep a close eye on her and see how things go. She does enjoy coming to visit us (she lives in the midwest) and see E do her horsey thing. California is also a great break for her from the winter weather--snow and ice and cold are no fun for anyone, especially seniors.

Since this is a somewhat eclectic post, I have two more things to say.

ONE:

This is what I would like for Christmas:

This is what I will probably get:

TWO:

In the midst of the computer project from hell, I spend a lot of time "clicking and waiting" while doing the setup job for new machines. This gives me time to look at a few things online and I have been re-reading the lunacy that is the result of the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com) If you're not familiar with this, it was started in the 80's by a professor at San Jose State University who has apparently been fascinated by the works of Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, and English novelist from the early 1800's, who wrote the novel "Paul Clifford" that began with "It was a dark and stormy night." For the contest, you have to write the worst possible first sentence of a novel that no one would want to read. The results over the years have been VERY funny. Here is one of my favorites, the winner from 2006:

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

If you need a good laugh this holiday season, check out this website. You won't be disappointed.

Have a great holiday and I hope you and yours are happy, safe, and warm!

IT'S ALIVE....

Hello one and all. Life at the Funny Farm has been wild and crazy. Well, maybe not wild or really actually crazy, but just extremely busy. The horse business has geared up, and we've been to one horse show and are preparing for another in a few weeks. We have three of our horses up for lease, and have been talking to a number of people about them. We are also looking at another horse for E, located in San Diego, and are probably going on a short road trip tomorrow to see him. The day-job part of my life has also been very busy, as we are doing a lot of computer setup work to get ready for tax season starting in January. So I haven't really had the time or energy to sit down and write, but I don't want to stop doing this, as it really does help to have a completely different forum in which to air my grievances, spout off about life, and let people know what's happening in my little corner of the world.

I'm going to try to be more regular about posting, but you know how that goes. With two horse shows in the next two months, looking at sale horses, the holidays coming up at warp speed, and my mother coming to visit in December for three weeks, I can't really promise that I won't just be a wine-soaked human in a vegetative state during those few moments that I'm not doing the day job or working horses. I'm not complaining, just (as House would say) stating the obvious. Stay tuned for more fun and exciting adventures. And have a cocktail while you're waiting.

Things I Need to Comment On, or How the Vast Majority of Sheeple Make Me Crazy

It never ceases to amaze me how people declare their Darwin Award candidacy on a daily basis. Cases in point:

-- One of the Kardashian daughters (I don't care which one) just married an L.A. Laker after the long courtship of ONE MONTH. Yeah. Right. That relationship will certainly see a Silver Anniversary.

-- There are a group of idiots conservatives out there that have decided that the Bible is too liberal. This is spearheaded by Andy Schlafly, son of longtime idiot conservative Phyllis Schlafly. They are setting up a Wikipedia-type Bible site so other idiots conservatives can edit it to make it "right". I don't even care about the Bible, but don't you have something better to do with your time?

-- Two-timing married politicians. Did you really think no one would ever find out? Did you really think your email is private? Do you really think, if we even remotely had any faith in you before this happened, that we would have a "let bygones be bygones" attitude about this? Just resign already and go back into the hole you crawled out of. We sympathize with your wife, not you.

-- Sarah Palin. Why does anyone give this Darwin Award finalist any press time whatsoever?

-- American Idol. I can proudly say I have never watched one second (literally) of this ridiculous show. When will the insanity end?

-- The Oblivious Drivers. I only say this as I was stuck behind them in traffic for a LONG time yesterday, so they and my frustration with them is really on my mind today.

-- The winner of the Most Influential Man of 2009 award was a FICTIONAL TV CHARACTER. From Mad Men. 1960's. Not a real person. Not the actor, mind you, but his character. Barack Obama was third in the vote. We're going straight to hell in a handbasket, at warp speed.

-- We watch the Dumbest Criminals show on TruTV (or one of those channels). Chock full of utter morons. We saw one stupid criminal get locked in after trying to rob a convenience store, and he was so desperate to get out that he gave the clerk back not only the money he stole, but his $20 allowance as well. The clerk called the cops and his parents. Mensa material, this one.

-- Being a horse trainer, I constantly see people buying the wrong horse, and doing it long before they're ready for horse ownership. I love horses, and they are "it" for me, but horse ownership is intensive, everyday work. Just because you saw "The Black Stallion" when you were 12 and think horses are beautiful, does not mean you know how to be a horse owner. I see these people who feel they have a magical bond with horses, so they MUST know how to take care of them by instinct alone. NOT TRUE. Get help. Get help now and for at least a year or more. Then we'll see if you really want to buy and own a horse. The main problem with these people is that the one who pays the price for the owner's ignorance is the horse. This principle applies to most other animals and children as well. I hate to see the most vulnerable ones pay the biggest price.

Those are my comments for today. Got anything to add?

Fire Update

As quickly as it came through, the fire is now done. The sky is once again blue, albeit hazy from leftover smokiness. The only good by-product of a fire is having the most spectacular sunsets--the colors are breath-taking. (Pictures coming soon.)

We evacuated our horses last Tuesday to a local barn, and then brought them home again on Thursday evening. I thought it would be a huge ordeal and our horses would have a hard time with the uproar of fast moves and crazy living arrangements, but I am happy to report that everyone just rolled with the punches. By Saturday it was just as if we had never left. My biggest surprise was that I felt the same way.

The past year has been hard for me, being the control freak that I am. We had a devastating fire at our then-current barn last October. It was a huge fire with no warning, and I, my daughter E and my client Lori, were literally the last ones up the canyon road to the barn. The county Fire team closed the road (the only way into or out of the canyon) as soon as we went through. There were just a dozen or so people at the facility, and because the fire was moving at an incredible speed, we had no time at all to evacuate any horses. So we all ran around the barn, gathering all the horses each of us could hold. (Have you ever tried walking six large dogs at the same time? Multiply that by 1,000+ pounds per panicky horse.) We hustled them to the most fireproof place on the property (an open courtyard with cement/sand footing), and stood there holding them while the fire literally blasted and burned across the treetops above us. Embers flew everywhere, starting little fires all around us, and burning us and the horses. That was the longest thirty minutes of my life. When it was finally past us, we spent the rest of the day re-settling the horses and putting out hundreds of hot spots. We lost our hay storage building, and the barn workers who lived on the property lost their trailer homes, but no horses or people were injured. (Other barns in our canyon were not so lucky.)

The aftermath was difficult, as we weren't able to work our horses for more than two months after the fire. Horses are extremely sensitive to air quality, and smoke damage can quickly lead to pneumonia. So the resident wisdom is to take six to eight weeks off (or more) and then slowly work back to your normal routine. It was hard to endure the forced inactivity, but it paid off--none of the horses in our care had any long-lasting effects. But it felt like it took FOREVER.

After that experience, we have lived in "hyper-fire" mode, and keep an eye on the temperature and humidity readings like weather Nazis. Hence my feelings of near-panic about this latest fire danger--not the actual fire itself, but the after-effects. And because we had a plan in mind and were able to be so pro-active at the very beginning of this latest incident, we all came through it with flying colors. What a huge relief. Not just because of the safety of everyone involved (which is definitely a huge factor), but also because we can go right back to our normal routine. And in record time.

In the words of Bruce Willis at the end of "Die Hard": Yippee Ki Yay Motherfucker. Great ending to a less-than-perfect situation.

Fire Fire Everywhere

Well boys and girls, it's fire season once again. And it's at our barn. I took the photo you see above yesterday afternoon at our facility. The fire was at the back of the property across the street, with the blasting wind driving the fire straight at us. There was a mad scramble to get horses and possessions moved. Fortunately, we got our horses out in good time--they're safely ensconced in a nearby smoke-free barn. My daughter E helped coordinate our horses (as well as many others) at the evacuation site while I and a number of other boarders worked on moving more horses and gear at our barn. The giant water-dropping helicopters were dashing back and forth from the orchard reservoir (about a half-mile away from us) to the fire line, just skimming the treetops above us, deafening everyone in the process and scaring all the remaining horses. It was like a Keystone Kopps film, only not in a funny way.

This morning, our facility is out of immediate danger, but the fire is still raging out of control to the west of us, heading towards more homes, barns, and populated areas, making its way to the ocean--the only true firebreak. We're still helping to coordinate the horse evacuations (I am a telephoning fool this morning), so even if structures burn, the people and animals will be safe.

Send us some kind thoughts and if you have any influence over the weather (my mom is a champion cloud chaser), please move the high pressure system out of our area--we're expecting more extremely hot and dry days this week, the classic Red Flag Warning stuff that puts everyone in southern California on high alert.

Stay tuned for more updates from Fire Central.

Goals and Passions or What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

I've spent a fair portion of my life flitting from pillar to post, not really knowing what to do with my energy and ambition. I went to work every day and got a paycheck, and dabbled in a few things here and there. I was always involved with horses, and rode and trained and taught lessons off and on for most of my life. Once my daughter E came along, I shifted my focus into raising her, as her dad left the scene before she was a year old. (My decision, not his.) My only brother died in 1986 at age 27, but we've kept in contact with his wife and daughter since his death. They moved to Idaho and bought property, and raise horses. We went to visit them the first time when E was 6 or 7, and so to prepare her to spend time with their horses, I got her started in horseback riding lessons. That was it--she was hooked. She's been riding ever since, and we got her first horse (The Little Brown Pony) when she was 10.

We love to watch all the medical shows, and blood and guts and the coroner's office are all fascinating viewing as far as we're concerned. E's love of the medical field, combined with her love of horses (and all animals) naturally lead her to be interested in veterinary medicine. In fact my brother's daughter is a practicing veterinarian in Washington state, so E could have had a good "in" in the field. But over the course of time, she has become much more focused on her riding. We bought her first real show horse three years ago, and even though he's got his issues and is not the horse of her dreams, he took her to the next level of riding, and she found out that the thrill and excitement of jumping big takes her to a place she's never experienced before. She absolutely loves it, and throws her entire being into all aspects of improving her skills.

We go to the barn every day to work our horses as well as the horses in training with us. I do most of the planning, teaching, and oversight and E is the rider. We discuss (ad nauseum) all aspects of our practice, and how we feel we're doing, and what plans we want to make for her riding, our clients, and our business overall. Being a somewhat pessimistic person by nature, I have learned from my daughter that I really need to just lighten up. My first response to many things is "no--not possible". She is just the opposite, and her response is "why not try it?". E has the lofty goal of someday (soon) riding on the US Olympic Equestrian team. When I first heard that I thought she was overreaching and would fail and be disappointed. But she was persistent, and then I wondered why I was so restrictive in my thinking. SOMEONE rides on the Olympic team--why not her? It's a hard road and will take a lot of time and effort, but she's not afraid of hard work and neither am I. The hardest part will be finding the right horse--that takes a lot of money. You either have to have it yourself, or have a client with money who wants a horse shown. Again, E has plans for that. She is writing a letter asking people and businesses to sponsor her. The worst they can do is say no, and if they say yes, she'll be that much closer to her goal.

E walked early (at 9 months) but started talking very late (almost 18 months). However, once the talking started, it has not EVER stopped (i.e. if she's awake, the mouth is moving), and the joke for a long time was that she was doing the color commentary of her life as she went. She talks even when no one is around. The main advantage in this for me is that if I just shut up, I hear absolutely everything that is going on in her life. She talks about everything, and one of her favorite subjects is how she feels sorry for her friends that don't have any kind of passion for something, anything, in their lives. This is another of the many reasons I love having kids, especially girls, spend their time at the barn. Whatever work you put into it, you get back in self-esteem. It also puts a major dent in the time spent in front of the TV, the refrigerator, and the computer. The best part for the girls is that their self-esteem is based on the satisfaction that comes from their own hard work, and not from whether some boy likes them or if they're in the popular group at school. I love my kid, but she definitely marches to her own drummer (middle school was not too pleasant for her), so the horses have given her a poise and self-confidence that she would have been hard-pressed to find elsewhere. This has helped E in every aspect of her life, and has given her a terrific ability to see what she wants to do and make plans on how to get there.

We've got our work cut out for us, but E is not afraid of a fast horse or a big fence, so now we just need to get the rest of the support system in place for her to reach her goals. She really wants to make a name for herself, and I know she will. Keep your eyes peeled--hopefully you'll be seeing that "knockout" kid from California in the Olympic news in the not-too-distant future.

Just Call Me Elvis Cuz I'm All Shook Up

In light of recent events, especially the death of our beloved pony, I feel like I'm on the Viper super-roller-coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain. There's no question that this will take a lot of time to heal, but I am sick of feeling like I have no control over anything, and I'm also tired of being depressed every minute. So I am hereby making a pledge to be nauseatingly Pollyanna-like, even if for a few minutes.

Point One: There are fires raging out of control here in Southern California, and we moved our horse business just in the nick of time. Where we are now is nicer and smoke free. Where we were is now less than a mile from the front line of the fire's northwest edge. I can't tell you how happy I am about that.

Point Two: No one at my day job got a raise this month, which is usually when we do this sort of thing every year. However, we still all have jobs that pay well, and no one got laid off. That's a big deal right now when many firms in the CPA world are laying off 20% to 30% of their staff.

Point Three: When paying my bill this month, I found that I have over 3,000 rollover minutes on my cell phone plan. Wow! I can now bore everyone I know with endless trivia talk to anyone I like for as long as I want. That was a cool find.

Point Four: It is now the beginning of a three-day-weekend. Yay! Sleep late, spend time at the barn, work horses, and veg on the couch afterwards. I am looking forward to that.

I think that's as much as I can do right now. I hope you and yours have a safe and fun holiday weekend. Got any fun plans?

RIP Little Brown Pony

Our best, most favorite, most wonderful horse in the entire world is now in Pony Heaven. He fell down in the turn-out on Sunday afternoon, and although we spent all night trying to get him up and on his feet, we were not successful. Unfortunately for horses, they MUST be on their feet to survive. Laying down for extended periods puts too much pressure on too many vital organs, so a horse that won't get up won't survive. We had the vet come early on Monday and she took one look at him and said it's time for him to go.

He came into our lives seven years ago and was pretty much a horse that nobody wanted. My daughter E bought him for $5 of her own money. I really didn't like him much at first (he was sour and grouchy), but he turned out to be the smartest horse I've ever met, with a great personality and a great sense of humor. We loved him and he became a true member of our family. He lived the life of Riley and he knew it and appreciated it. He had a very expensive surgery about three years ago, because we felt that we had to give him every chance to live, and he came through it, but it was hard on him. He took a long time to recover completely, but has been back to his usual self in the last year or so. He was also at least 25 years old (old in the horse world), so his body was just not as good as it once was, and he had trouble getting up and down for the last year or so. We've had episodes where we spent three or four hours getting him up, but each time was very stressful, and we always worried each time if this was the day he wouldn't get up. We knew it was coming, but it still doesn't make it easier to deal with. At least we were there for him, and his last moments were filled with our touch and voice and smell.

Just when we were hoping to get back to normal, we have this to deal with. It's especially hard, as today is E's birthday. So send us some kind and healing thoughts as we deal with this loss. It will take a long time to recover and we will miss our Little Brown Pony terribly.

I Love the Smell of Boring in the Morning

We are now done moving our barn operations from BFE nowhere to Moorpark. What a relief. It was a lot of work, but I think everything is finally going to settle down and go back to BORING normal. Being the control freak that I am, this has been a rough time for me, but I actually survived, albeit with small meltdowns here and there.

One of the hardest parts of moving is that you just can't explain to the horses what is happening and let them know that everything will eventually be just fine. Some of them, like people, roll with the punches, and others just... don't. Our favorite (photo above), nicknamed The Little Brown Pony (aka LBP), is one of the latter. In spades. Big spades. So this move was very hard for him. And he just has to tell you about it all the time.

If you're not a horse person, you probably don't realize that horses have as much personality as any other animal (and more than some people I know) and can be very vocal. I've been around horses my whole life, and known a lot of different horses, but the LBP is probably the smartest and most human-focused horse I've ever owned. We've had him for almost seven years, and he's a character. He's one of the few creatures I know who isn't food-driven, and would rather be out with you doing things than eat. (Can't say the same thing for me, sadly enough.) There's never any question about what's on his mind, whether he's "helping" you unzip your jacket or mad because you're half an hour late getting to the barn in the afternoon. He's set in his ways and gets annoyed if you make even small changes in his life, like where you put his food. So you can imagine how three major barn moves in eight months have affected him.

I think this all came to a head for him with this latest move. He was very mad and upset about it all, and started declaring his indignation at the top of his lungs the day he arrived at the new facility. And he kept it up the next day. And the next day. This lasted more than a week. I love him a lot but was ready to tape his mouth shut by last Friday. And then yesterday we noticed a new quiet and a demeanor that somewhat resembles the horse we know and love. I think we have officially been forgiven for moving. I knew he would settle in just fine eventually, but it's hard watching the anxiety and know that there is nothing you can do about it except wait.

There are a lot of similarities between this horse and me. I am also set in my ways (i.e. control freak) and change is hard for me, especially when it's not my idea. I just fret and obsess when things are not to my liking, or when situations occur that I must deal with and did not start. I make a conscious effort to not sweat the small stuff, but it still happens when I least expect or want it to. It's definitely better than it used to be, but sometimes the little stuff looms large and seems overwhelming. This year has held a fair amount of these situations for me, and I'm looking forward to a quiet period so I can regain my perspective, take a breath, and see things with my usual sense of humor. Here's to the boring life.

Carnivore Central

There are no vegetarians at our house.

I don't have anything against being a vegetarian, except that sometimes I wonder how they get enough of the right kinds of protein. I also really feel that children should not be forced into that lifestyle, as millions of years of evolutionary eating habits can't be wrong. Once you're old enough to understand the consequences of eating a vegetarian (especially vegan) diet, and do the research to make sure you get adequate nutrition, I think being a vegetarian is no big deal.

However, there is absolutely no danger whatsoever of that happening at our house. My daughter E (age 16) likes meat. She can eat an entire rack of ribs all by herself, and was doing that at age 6. She swoons at the sight of a new BBQ place. The new Mexican place we discovered a few weeks ago has a huge carne asada plate that she can finish (side orders and all) in one sitting. Her ability to ingest large quantities of animal products can rival that of any teenage boy her age. I can eat (believe me, I can eat), but watching her do it is an amazing sight.

Which brings me to the conversation we had last week on the relative merits of different meats. We had finished eating at the aforementioned Mexican restaurant, and she was waxing poetic about meat on the way home.

E: I do like all kinds of meat.
Me: Shock.
E: But I like red meats better, really, than white meats. Definitely the read meats are my first choice.
Me: Ok.
E. But the white meats are good. They're great when you're in the mood for them.
Me: Uh-huh
E: And fish. Since we went to the sushi place, I am just craving the spicy tuna and the albacore.
Me: But fish aren't--
E: But the red meats are the best. I love a big steak. Medium rare with onions. And that carne asada was amazing. I think I'll try something else with beef next time.
Me: What about the purple meats?
E: Purple meats? Oh like octopus. What do they call it when they change to blend in with the rocks?
Me: Color.
E: I'm gonna hurt you. No, like when they blend in. Did you know that some octopus are as big as flounders and can change colors and swim just like them as a disguise? [Makes many arm-waving, swimming, flounder-like motions, looking somewhat idiotic.]
Me [watching the flounder-impressionist go on and on and on]: How's it go?
E: Ok I am gonna hurt you.

At which point I am laughing so hard that I nearly wreck the car and wet my pants. And you know how contagious that kind of laughing is, so we were both completely out of breath with aching sides by the time we got home. I realize that it might have been a "you had to be there" situation to see the complete humor, but I haven't laughed that hard in ages. I still start chuckling every time I think of it.

When was the last time you laughed that hard?

Getting Back to "Normal"

We're moving our barn practice to Moorpark on Saturday, and I can't wait to get it all done and get back to "normal" life.

I work a day job for 40 hours a week, and my daughter and I work our horse business the rest of the time, so my week routinely ends up at 75 or 80 hours of time spent doing something that is not at home. The day job is on someone else's dime (as it were), but the horse business is a labor of love. I started riding when I was six years old and I have the horse "gene". No matter where I've gone or what I've done over the course of my life, I've always ridden and trained horses. It's a happy coincidence that my daughter is also a horse fanatic, to the point that she wants to ride for a living and has aspirations to compete in the Olympics and other world-class equestrian events. Consequently, we work that much harder at all our horse endeavors, but it takes up the vast majority of the time that isn't spent at work or school.

I'm not complaining about the amount of time we work, as neither of us sits around well, but we have had a great routine for a long time, and the activity and upheaval of the last eight months has definitely thrown a monkey wrench into the works. The facility we're leaving has had a lot of problems, and we've been pulled into the drama over and over again. This, in turn, has thrown our usual routine and horse income into complete disarray. I'm sick of it and ready to leave the chaos behind. To return to "normal".

Since E (my daughter) was born, I've tried to make a concerted effort to keep our lives on a plain simple track. I grew up with a dad who was in the military, and the moving and re-establishing of my life every three years while growing up was not fun for me. So we've lived in the same place for 16 years. E has gone to the same school since first grade, and will be a senior this coming September. I've had the same day job for 10 years. Being the control freak that I am, these things have become something that I depend on a great deal. So when a large area of my life spins out of control, it makes me crazy. (Short trip, I know...)

In 2006, there was a one week period in my life where my car transmission died, my dad died, and my kid ended up in the emergency room (while I was out of town at my dad's funeral). One month later our best-loved pony had an $8500 emergency surgery. Let's just say that this was a control freak's worst nightmare, and it was brought home to me in spades how much I craved a "normal" boring life. Fortunately, the current barn situation and the moving of our horse business pales in comparison to 2006, but it still makes me just a little nuts.

I know in November, I'll look back at the summer and think what a crazy time it was and how nice it is that things are back to normal. But I feel like a kid who's waiting for the best vacation ever: six more days, five more days, four more days... The countdown to getting everything done is excrutiating. I've really tried to stop wishing my life away, but August 1st can't get here soon enough for me.

Lots of Things in My Head, But Nothing to Write About

It seems I have a million items in my head all needing to get out, but none of them feel interesting enough to say more than ten or fifteen words about each subject in total. So I'm making a list of the mental shrapnel; duck if it hits close.

1. I love horses. I hate horses. Depends on the day and the behavior of a particular equine at a particular time. Let's just say that Sunday was a "hate" day.
2. I love summer. I hate summer. Summer = my kid stays at home and does a lot of stuff around the house that we don't usually have time for. Love that part. Summer = heat. REALLY hate that part (see previous post).
3. Why is it that when you have a set time to leave your job every day that the no one wants anything to do with you until six minutes before you need to leave? This will eventually cause me to go postal, and, being a short fat woman, it will not be a pretty sight.
4. Depo-Provera was the best drug ever invented.
5. We've discovered a new Mexican restaurant called Las Fuentes (translation: the fountains). We ate close to our body weight in unbelievably amazing food on Friday night. The resident carnivore in my house (aka my daughter) ate so much carne asada that I thought she would explode. We joked about the Monty Python "Would you like a wafer?" sketch on the way home.
6. Generic paper towels are crappy and just do not come close to the Viva brand.
7. I am too cheap to pay for the Los Angeles Times crossword puzzle service that lets you look at and print out any number of puzzles from current and past months. If you don't subscribe you can only print out the last four weeks of puzzles, and I never remember to do it every week or two. This makes me crazy when I want a new puzzle, and yet I can't bring myself to pay for the service. How stupid and cheap am I? Yet I pay $110 a month for Directv--go figure.
8. Fantasy football. WTF??? Who thinks these things up?
9. I finally got a new clip-on phone case for my iPhone. The old one that I bought when I got the phone in January degenerated into a piece of CRAP. Did I mention it was BAD BAD BAD? And ugly? I went to Best Buy on Sunday and got a new one that looks as if it might actually last more than ten minutes and was not unattractive. I could feel my blood pressure go down as I slipped my phone in its new case and tossed the old one in the trash. (Insert giant sigh of relief here.)
10. We're moving barns on August 1st, which is a LOT of work. But the good part is that I have a lot of friends that have offered to help, and they really mean it. It's just good for the soul to know that you have people in your life that care about you, even when you have to move. That's when the fair-weather types disappear, and the real friends are there for you.

I feel better now. Got anything to get off your chest?

Help Me... I'm Melting.........

Could it be any hotter?






I realize we live in a desert here in Southern California, but Jesus H. Christ it's hot. We live and die at our house based on the weather because we spend so much time outside with the horses. This weekend was seriously unpleasant and we did very little work during the middle of the day. Basically it was a parade to and from the wash rack, just soaking the horses (and ourselves in the process) to keep everyone comfortable. We did get a bit of breeze here and there, which only felt good if you were damp. And I believe we now own at least 50% of the Coppertone company due to the amount of sunscreen we buy.

I have a busy life with a day job as well as the horse business, so I like to sleep in a little bit on Saturday or Sunday if possible. But in this weather, we get up really early (5-ish or so) to ride and work while there is still some semblance of cool in the air. We also ride very late in the day as well to take advantage of the cool-down in the evening--assuming it isn't still 98 degrees at 7:30, which it was yesterday. At that point, you try to make the horses as cool and happy as possible (food helps a LOT in the happiness department), and then go home and stand in the shower to get the 20 gallons of sweat off your body and out of your hair. Fortunately, we have AC at home, so the evening TV time and sleeping are tolerable.

We're moving our practice to Moorpark in August, and it's always a lot cooler in that part of suburban Los Angeles than where we are now in Canyon Country. It's closer to the ocean, so we will be catching the afternoon breeze straight off the Pacific. Most people don't really realize it, but the ocean off the southern California coast is a lot colder than the Atlantic almost anywhere on the east coast. Unless you have a breakwater offshore, it's usually not too fun to swim in the Pacific Ocean here. You have your die-hard swimmers and surfers of course, but the Arctic/Alaskan current makes the water too cold (for me) to swim in, but makes for a marvelous cool breeze.

We're looking forward to getting away from the heat next month, but will be sweltering in the meantime. Drink a lemonade and think of us.

Chance Gets a New Home

We've been taking care of a horse ("Chance") at our barn, and he got a new home yesterday.

He was picked up from a feed lot in Riverside by the barn manager where we board. She gets horses there pretty regularly, re-sells them, and makes a little money. He came to the barn on Memorial Day weekend, and was nervous and full of cuts and scratches from his pasture-mates. But he had a soft eye and willing personality, and seemed grateful for the kind attention. I just liked him, and he liked me. He is also a branded American Hanoverian (in horse parlance, that means a well-bred registered horse). He was originally intended for one of my teen-aged working students at the barn, but she changed her mind after a few weeks (fickle child). So we worked with him, got him more fit, gave him good food and supplements, and found out that he's a nice horse with good skills and a solid work ethic. I spoke with a lot of my horsey-circle of friends and finally found him what I think will be a great new home. He left yesterday.

No one would ever call me warm and fuzzy. I am straight-forward and blunt, and the gatekeeper of my mouth is usually at lunch. When my child went off to kindergarten (or any other grade for that matter), I never looked back, and I never shed a tear. Come to think of it neither did she, but that's another story. So when we were getting Chance ready to leave, I made up three or four bags of supplements to send with him. He is going to be in the care of one of my previous horse clients, and she came to our facility to drop off the payment for him, and help get him loaded to go. I gave her the supplements and way too much information about him and his habits and what he eats, and how he does everything (babble babble babble). I lead him out to the trailer and he got in and they drove away. I felt like a mother who has sent her kid away with his little lunchbox of goodies, and was almost in tears.

It's funny how things strike you. I know intellectually that it's a great home with good people, and yet sending this horse off to a new life still got to me. It was so unexpected to be caught off-guard. That hasn't happened in a long time. When was the last time it happened to you?

As the Barn Turns...

So we've moved barns. Again. Sigh.

In layman's terms, that would be taking my training and instructing practice, along with the horses in my care (the ones we own as well as the ones in training) to a different facility. That would also include the nine millions pounds of tack, horse gear, and accessories that I have accumulated over the course of way too many years.

This was not a planned move. The managers/lessors of our current barn had issues (kinda scary issues at that) with the owners of the property, so they found another place close by to re-locate to. So we moved on Sunday. And Monday. And today. At the end of it all, I don't really like this new place. The old one was ok--lots of open space and a decent arena to use for training rides and lessons. Good prices for boarding too. We only moved there last Thanksgiving, and had a lot of hope that everything would pan out as planned. It hasn't, and I've spent more and more time helping to manage the facility instead of running my training business. I also found out over the weekend that nothing I was promised at the new place is actually going to happen. Then, when we moved the horses to the new facility on Sunday in the 110 degree heat, nothing was ready for their arrival. No food, no water, no bedding--just empty stalls. The final straw for me was having to stay until after 10 pm Sunday night making sure all the horses, including ones that don't even belong to me, had food and water. It was when I was lugging the umpteenth water bucket across the property (with no help from the facilities manager who was standing around talking) that I hit the "I've had enough" wall.

Fortunately, my daughter ("E" for the purposes of this blog) is a facilities researcher lunatic. She had found an interesting place in the last week or so, and we checked it out yesterday. It's in a different suburban area, but it currently has all the amenities we want, and they're up and running NOW. It is a cooler climate, and they have (insert trumpets blaring here): a COVERED ARENA. With lights! For you non-horsey people, that's like the Holy Grail. It allows us to ride and train regardless of rain or glaring sun. The high there on Sunday was 76. Seventy f'ing six! Not (I repeat NOT) 110.

We're giving notice tomorrow. The good news is that we're really looking forward to the new place. The bad news is that we have to move everything again. But at least we're already packed.

A Quarter of a Century? Wow! That Blew by Fast

Twenty-five years ago this August I moved to Los Angeles from Chicago. A lot has happened in that time. A. LOT. Los Angeles was hosting the Olympics, and I was a carefree party kind of girl. Now... I'm not.

I partied, screwed around, dabbled in pharmaceuticals, and generally just frittered time away. Through a wild and crazy set of circumstances and experiences, I am now a single mom, with a 16 (almost 17)-year-old daughter. I drive a Trailblazer SUV. The only pharmaceuticals I come in contact with now are ibuprofen and red wine. I wouldn't change where I've been or what I've gone through (good or bad) as they got me to where I am and I like things the way they are now.

When I first moved to L.A., I only knew one person. He was a good (gay) friend from college, and he told me when I visited him after one particularly brutal Chicago winter, that if I wanted to move to L.A., I could stay with him until I got a job and found a place to live. That was fastest "yes" EVER. So I wrapped up my life in Chicago, packed my cats in the Honda, and moved out west. Best decision I ever made.

I'm a smart girl. Really. Not long after I moved to L.A., I took the test for Mensa, and was invited to join. I thought that joining the group and going to some of the activities would be a good way to expand my social circle and meet some intelligent people, usually my favorite kind. Oh boy--what an eye-opener. I've never met a more brilliant group of minds, but OMG! What they had in brainpower they lacked in social skills and the ability to dress themselves. After I went to an event where one of the guys wore a deerskin Daniel Boone outfit complete with coonskin cap (on purpose and it wasn't a costume party), I thought it was time to find some other people to hang out with.

These days my social activities revolve mostly around the horse world. My daughter shows, I teach lessons, and together we train horses for ourselves and our clients. It's not a big practice, since I still work a day job to pay bills (private school anyone?), but I've made a point of being relatively picky in choosing clients, so I have a great group of people that I see on a regular basis.

I used to live my life on the ragged edge of disaster, being the drama queen that I am. It was all insanity, all the time. Now I'm pushing it to stay up until 10 pm, and I have found that boring equals wonderful. I am consciously grateful for the health of my family and horses, a good-paying job, and decent place to live. My favorite kind of day is one in which the toughest decision of the day is "paper or plastic?".

It's been a long strange trip... but a good one.

How do I Do This Really and Not Sound Like a Complete Poser

I write well. Or at least I like to think so.

My writing has saved me money, as when I wrote a heartfelt letter to my daughter's private school administration and guilted them into not charging me the "New Family Fee" of a thousand dollars when she started first grade there. Then there was the time I wrote the bathroom notice about septic tanks and the disposal of feminine hygiene products for our barn. So maybe it wasn't "Moby Dick" but it did, along with other things, help to make horse-keeping more affordable.

I love words, and all the things you can do with them, and have had a facility for languages ever since I can remember. I am a "Picture Thinker", (that always sounds so Psychology 101 to me, but it's true nonetheless), so it always feels like I have a million different tools and colors available to paint the story I want to get across. I like to talk (just ask anyone within a ten-mile radius), and can really tell a joke well, but I often review conversations and think, "Oh man, I wish I would have said thus-and-such instead!" Writing affords you the ability to actually have a do-over. Write what you think and then go back and edit, sometimes ad nauseum. That's my favorite part: appearing organized and polished, even when I'm not always that way in person.

I don't read as much as I used to. Out of the habit, not a lot of time, and frankly, as I get older, my attention span is getting closer and closer to that of a gnat. I'm lucky to watch a whole episode of Throwdown without changing the channel during a commercial and getting caught up in another show. Since I really do want to keep my wordpower up, I do a lot of crossword puzzles (the difficult ones, and in ink)--they're the perfect diversion: you can do as much or as little as you want, and when you fall asleep with the pen in your hand, you don't have to worry what page you were on when you wake up.

So an optimistic question, since I don't have any readers yet (I think): how do you keep your wordpower up?

How It all Begins

This is Life at the Funny Farm.

CPA firm techie by day, and superhero horse trainer by night. Maybe not superhero, but definitely my true identity. This is just a test to see if I can actually keep up with this, bring you entertaining stories, and see who might be interested in what I have to say. I've read some great and funny blogs and I hope to write up to their standards. Stay tuned.